Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize