we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
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I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
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Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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