I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
im six kinds of drunk right now
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my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
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Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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