You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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