My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize