I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
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I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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