also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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