walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
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i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
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