the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize