i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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