he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize