i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
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i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
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Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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