Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize