Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize