you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
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I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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