One girl and one boy is just not enough.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
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I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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