I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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