Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
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Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
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Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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