I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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