Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
only you would photoshop your dick
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
organizing the empties. That sober.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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