I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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