whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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