What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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