We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
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What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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