I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize