You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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