My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize