Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
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i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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