So drunk its hurt
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize