this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize