I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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