Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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