I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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