GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize