i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
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My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
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All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
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