I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Randomize