I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
apparently the secret to your success is patron
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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