Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
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