I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
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Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
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Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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