woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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