Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
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My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
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I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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