Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
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