Soap is not a condiment
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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