Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize