uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
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i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
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Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
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