We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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