I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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