Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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