So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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