She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize